No one else knows."I did feel relieved. "You really mean what you just said? About me beingbrave and stuff?" Every word, Melissa. It takes real courage to do what you do. I couldn'tbe that brave, at least I don't think I could. I would make a prettywhimpy guy too." Amanda said and I started laughing. "Can I ask yousomething?" Sure," I said."What makes you want to do it? I don't want to intrude, so if you don'twant to answer, don't. I'm just curious is all." That's OK. I guess I've just always felt like I wanted to do this. I'vealways liked wearing girl's clothes. I don't know what else, really. Ifeel good when I'm a girl. Like this is right."Amanda looked like she wanted to ask me something, so I said, "Go aheadand ask. I don't care." Do you want to be a girl? I mean, like for real? The operation andeverything?" I didn't think much about it like that at first, but the more I do it,the more I think I do want to be a girl. I'm happier this way." Well" Amanda said "I can't blame you. Oh, Christ, no, she muttered, but when Jack sat down next to her she shut down her frustration and made herself polite for him. Perhaps, she thought, away from the crowd he’ll be a different better self. “Quite hot,” he said, and she nodded silently. No, she realized, he’s still dull. They sat there quietly, and as Janet looked around the meadow she considered. He’s not ugly, and I do need to get off, she thought. The thought of Jack was somewhat intriguing, she decided, and would let herself be seduced. She turned to look at him and saw him staring down the side of her dress, and when he looked up, he blushed and she smiled. Alas, he said, “You, um, have a bug on your back.” “Brush it off then,” she said with as much good grace as she could muster at such a transparent, graceless lie, and turned a little away from him. She thought, as often she had occasion to, at how boyish notionally grown men could be, but she remembered how hard she found it to hit on men with good grace and.
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